The Manifestation of my Boredom

So, as usual, I dealt with doubt by quadrupling the amount of enthusiasm I needed, and am still in full sprint towards a better life. Things are different, on all the most basic levels, but I'm used to that. As this phase of the Plan seeps into every nook and cranny of my being, I once again get to evaluate the previous me with crystal clear hindsight. I regret nothing about the way I lived, and am even a bit proud of the way I dealt with some things. But make no mistake, I am stronger now than I have ever been.
It is my personal goal to absolutely conquer the meager three courses I have. I'm starting the assignments the day they are available online (a few days before even the previous assignment is due), and for this reason I am no longer taking risks with my education. Sure, I still skip most of my classes, but only if I've already confirmed through assignments that I already know it demonstrably. I've finally started -caring- about grades. It's not about getting to the next step, it's about being the absolute best that I can.
It's not just school either. I'm better at guitar than ever, better at expressing myself, better at drawing, look better (I've taken to doing laundry and wearing attractive clothing), and I'm gaining weight. (Probably the most difficult task. Imagine eating as much as you possibly can, and then doubling that number of calories with a thick lumpy protein shake) I can even juggle now.
Even obscure things that I vaguely want to get better at are improving. I'm getting farther in NetHack than ever before! (R.I.P. Cecil the brave knight)
I'm not happy because I'm better than I was, I'm happy because I've worked hard and will be stronger tomorrow than today. I've not forgotten one lesson from my past, and am not turning a blind eye to the lessons of today.
What I've learned; chocolate covered espresso beans are very very delicious, but will cause you to not eat or sleep properly for a while. A soft blanket is a worthwhile investment. Falling asleep on purpose is still nearly impossible, but can be done by taking all that energy, and focusing it on creating the most in-depth daydreaming possible.
I know I'm not burning myself out, and I know it's not an energetic patch that'll end, because it all feeds itself. I'm eating better, sleeping better, and am enjoying my tasks. As long as I can keep my goals in mind, and never get comfortable enough to stop accelerating, I can and will be the ever-stronger me.
Also, it turns out that the rest of the world is starting to notice that I'm freakin' sexy. It feels good to have my charms back. It's a shame I'm not interested in a relationship, because once I've grown this stainless steel wire-frame body into a more widely-appreciated width...
Also also, I missed you, ego!

It kinda ruins the point of having a journal if any random person can read it, but oh well. I've got nothing to hide, and plenty to show off. Think about it. I've had -years- of being awesome, and I've had it on a leash for so long. I'll make sure I never adopt any superiority complex over other people, and I'll make sure I don't brag in places other than supposedly private journals. I have to be especially careful to be encouraging of other people in the right way, instead of dragging them in my wake to what I assume they want. Mmm, delicate matters of trying to take an enlightened approach to interpersonal affairs. I'll have to get better at trusting instincts instead of words as I have done in the past.
Instinct... That's it! I threw it away because I thought I'd get better results through careful thought, but instead I ended up not saying things I wanted to say, the only part of my past I come close to regretting. I also slowwed my wit down considerably. Heck, my grandpa can outdo me with the state of disrepair I'm in!
Added to the list: Train that quicksilver tongue! :D Relatedly, start picking up the grammar of Japanese.

Basically, I went "That's it, I'm shaving my mustache!" So I did. Since I looked more or less identical to when I still had the soup strainer, I did something dramatic with my sideburns too. Yes, I look like a 60s greaser. I'm not leaving my room until everything grows back.
Oh yeah, and melatonin pills went from "They'll help fix my sleep schedule" to "They'll give me that sleep-deprived feeling I love so much any time I want!" :D It's a handicap to give the mortals a bit more extra help before I get back into the competition.

And so, as I sit in the quiet and well-defended basement-room I now inhabit, I set winamp to random, and think about what has happened that warrants posting to livejournal.
I'll start with school. I did well in Waterloo, up until the point where I had a depressing dream where everything was perfect and kinda fell on my face. So I did a voluntary withdrawal, preferring to keep the chance to try again later over the try I was in the middle of. I got a job at The Barn, doing night shift, and finally got a proper room in my house. I quite enjoyed the upstairs loft with the window you could step out of and onto the roof, even though I had no furniture at all, and my stuff was being destroyed by being in boxes. Life was good. My dad remarried a psychologist named Jill (Intelligent and friendly enough, but doesn't respect the solidity of logic), with a son named Dylan (Think of an over-eager puppy, and swap butt-sniffing with picking up hobbies, getting everybody's support for it, and then giving up on it), and they moved in. Eventually, the "adults" decided that they wanted to kick my my brother and I out of our upstairs rooms, and turn them into a room and an office (they didn't want the office at first, just my room). I had to quit at the Barn to work on the moving and such, which was a week long affair involving putting four houses of stuff into one already filled house. I was moved to another room, while more of my stuff broke. Now the "adults" wanted the office upstairs. Since a bedroom suddenly ceased to exist, I was moved into the unfinished basement (Also, filled with spiders), and my brother took the room I was in. It was originally going to not be my basement room, so Angelo got to make all the cheap-and-easy-as-possible refinement decisions. It's got horrid pale green walls, cheap fake wood flooring, and a blotchy ceiling because after I painted all the edges, the guy in charge of the middles decided to only paint random parts.
So I'm heading back to Waterloo in two weeks time, in an off-campus house that's closer to the math building than residence itself, and I don't want to come back. Summer classes are feeling pretty attractive too.
As for -how- I'm doing, I've decided to do a third reprogramming of my personality. I've gone from kitten to depressed hamster, to rabbit, and now I'm trying for lion. Not real-life lion, or I'd just call it 'pimp' instead. I'm keeping all the good bits, but adding pride and authority.
Also, I knit some awesome things, learned to half-ass juggle, have a pile of Pratchett, and am still doing all the same game/hobby hunting.

I should be studying, even though it's 6am.

... do you get to witness such wonderful little miracles. There's a cat behind me, sleeping on my math book with her paw over her face, and she's snoring. :3
Also, there's a certain satisfaction to greeting somebody as they wake up, and staying awake long enough to bid them goodnight :P

Oh right, news! Waterloo is offering me some form of "advanced" version of their regular math program, and the other -three- universities that -called- me sounded pretty disappointed about my choice :P I like packing materials. Legally buying alcohol is still weird.
I've run out of video game music to learn on the guitar. :( Ah well, I guess it's up to Electric 6, more Muse, or random chord training to keep me busy. :/
Oh, wait! Anime music! :D

It's like I'm important to them or something! A while before normal acceptances were given out, A friendly -professor- from Carleton *Called me on the phone* and asked if I had any questions and such about Carleton. He then gave me his email, and emailed me personally. Seriously.
Just recently though, even -Waterloo- called me, and congratulated me on my acceptance into both math and computational math there. The friendly professor proceeded to tell me about a very interesting advanced math sort of program they have there, and said something about 20 to 50 out of 1000 math students signing up for it. I don't know what Mr. Gallo put in his letter of recommendation, but it's like he brainwashed Waterloo into thinking I'm a good student or something, as opposed to a motivationally handicapped math geek.
Speaking of motivation, I have decided that my single goal and purpose in life is to save the world by forming the noblesse oblige. We will be a group of individuals and representatives from various organizations dedicated to helping out with things like global warming, war prevention, and shaving Whales *Cough* saving wales. All I have to do is get really rich as quickly as possible, and meet lots of people. The world is as good as saved! :)
Oh, and I can solve Rubik's cubes every time now. :)

I no longer have to decide which school in Canada I'm going to, should I run into problems getting to England! Now I just need to decide which offer of acceptance from Waterloo I want to go go; honors math, or honors computational math. :)

In less important, to a lesser factor of 'good', but with equal amounts of glory, I finally have yarn. My funky-patterned dishcloth is coming along nicely. :)

Math, knitting, and highly structured poetry are all far more similar than most people would expect.

Not only am I fantastically rich (So I could theoretically fund any of my friends that want to play), but I'd also like to brag about it more often.


Seriously, I almost did a 2-day teetotaler run! *Sigh* And nobody understands the vast skill, wealth, and calculation involved :'(
So come play Kingdom of Loathing, It's quite hilarious!
http://www.kingdomofloathing.com

It loves, gets run over a couple times, and keeps on loving without skipping a beat. :)
Looking back, it wouldn't seem like it, but I know it was real, every time (except maybe the first one in kindergarten). I guess I'll give everybody that bothers to read a run-down of my overproductive heart's history:

Crush: Kindergarten. I had a friendly rivalry with another guy, and we planned on buying her mountains of candy. (Crap, I hate it when I remember that I actually -was- cute back then :p)
Semi-serious crush: I was once asked during an assembly who I "liked". I was even too shy to say her name, but I hinted until he guessed which girl I was talking about. I never got to know her well enough, but we became friends.
Serious crush: This one was like being pleasantly shot by cupid's sniper rifle. Opportunity wrapped around my head and threatened to strangle me to death if I didn't forget my deathly shyness for a moment to persue it, so things went well for a shorth while. Unfortunately, I was still deathly shy afterwards, and it eventually had to end. (Sorta a couple times)
Long drought: It's weird, I remember almost nothing from those years. :/
Serious "thing": She was (and is) one of my great friends. I saw the forshadowing, and metaphorically side-stepped danger as she persued her own crush. I cheered her on. I think she knew. Anyways, I've since mended.
Shorter-than-usual "thing": It was like opening my mouth to say "hi" to somebody that was already gone. She probably has no clue.

And that brings us to recent events.
That girl with the hair I've always loved, from just days after leaving my first school, has reappeared. Dammit, I don't want to miss out again, but I've never really known how to do these things.
Any advice? (Besides the obvious "don't be so damned shy"?) I think the problem is the only reason I ever hesitate; unclear instructions. I just have no clue where to start. :/ I learned how to make friends, but I've got enough of that kind of friend (Not that I wouldn't gladly welcome more). :P

[[In other news, I just took an hour and a half walk in the middle of the night. What am I, poetic or something?]]

I had two consecutive dreams about going to England. One involved pink whales and almost being eaten by a really weird breed of shark, and the other involved narrow roads packed with hippies. Wait, that second one was just being in England. :P
We are -so- going to see that "300" movie today. It's gonna be awesome.

So I saw this roundish-shaped brown thing on the floor in the corner of my eye, and instinctively greeted it with "hey.", thinking it was the cat. Needless to say, my coat didn't reply.

I started playing diablo 2 again, and got to lvl 80 in one day.
Then we realized that my dad took the batteries out of the thermostat while he went on vacation. What the hell. It was pretty annoying trying to sleep when my bedside thermometer (built into my alarm clock, I'm not -that- crazy) said it was 15.3 celcius. (59.5 f it also said) So that was pretty horrible.
Then I was having this really odd dream where the world was going to end, and I got a chance to say goodbye to pretty much everybody I know, one at a time. Everybody was in a big group in some school or building I don't know (remember), and it was pitch black outside, so we blocked off the windows, lit some candles, and sent out rescue parties to gather everybody together. When we were all there, we basically took turns saying all the things we always wanted to say, but couldn't unless the world was about to end anyways. I woke up just after we finished speaking, when darkness started to consume the room. There was some really pretty guitar music going the entire time, by the way, and I can remember some of it... :D
When I woke up, I decided to go outside (O.O), and there was (mostly) blue skies, a warm sun, and smiling people walking around everywhere. Spring! (This time for sure, right?)
So now I've got a veggy sub from subway, and I'm ready to get back to diablo 2. :D

Edit: It was http://www.ocremix.org/remix/OCR00991/# Just click on the download tab and get it, though I heard it without vocals.

I'm a quarter inch from bald now.

my dad's girlfriend thinks I have some kind of huge, larger-than-life, spectacular aura/life energy/mystical something. Umm, thanks? That's weirder than my mom saying I look like Jesus, and getting the -whole- room to agree with her.

Got my marks back *insert half of an exclamation mark here*
- Expected a 70 in writers craft, got an 81.
- Expected an 91 in discrete, got an 87.
- Didn't bother checking my law mark, I know it isn't pretty.
Why couldn't those extra marks out of nowhere have gone to math?!? Bah.
Anyways, I had a weird dream involving vampires with bleach-blonde hair, evil bad guys, breathing fire, and plastic easter eggs.
Maple Island in Maple Story is incredibly stylish on the Japanese servers, hey give you a whole noob outfit in the training room, which involves an apple-shaped hat, diagrams of an apple-hat guy stepping onto the conveyor belt, and a belt conveyor moving you past video screens of how to play. Even in a Japanese game, I know they're treating me like a total moron. :D
Oh, and ~Life!~
Oh, I gotta go do something vague right now, bye bye people.

it happened. The general consensus blames the other Christian. :(
Willy is in a better place, where much less food falls from the sky.

That has got to be the most vile, painful, and unpleasant weather I've ever had the joy of walking through. I went to sleep at 2am in a quaint town with a light, decorative layer of snow. I woke up in a hailstorm with biting pellets, where the roads and sidewalks were iced, and the schools were closed. :) I'm just gonna pretend it's sunday again. :D

They say that when you fall into water from just the right height such that the surface tension doesn't hurt you, that you create a sort of vaccuum to fall into, which tends to collapse onto your head, giving you a headache. That's sort of what school is doing.

There's only one word for it that even comes close to expressing the direct and highly concentrated feeling of - is it... energy? Sorta like a lifted curse.
Only one word, which I never use because of its negative implications (which are not meant in its current use), springs to my lips as I make a strange discovery of something I had missed, something that happened a while ago, which I was not quite active enough to discover.

Fuck.

It's like that one single, clearly defined, black cloud in my head suddenly sprouted a hole. The one bit of my life where I had let the rarity of my pessimism fully sink in, and lead to a final stoic self-brainwashing to make myself not care, has had a hole poked into it. Maybe I'm just tearing old wounds wide open on some misinterpretation, but maybe - just maybe - I have a reason to keep up hope. On the off chance that I have reason to keep hope, in a message encrypted beyond recognition without later being revealed as a "Ha! see?":
"To be a pious cloud over a troubled world is the greatest pleasure possible, when the earth means so much."

As I somewhat mentioned to Dan over msn (which I've given up on due to technical failures in favor of trillian), how I've been "doing" has gone everywhere on the spectrum, including those weird colours that nobody really thinks of as colours. To sum it all up, I was relieved, determined, worried, pleased, destroyed, reformed, terrified, annoyed, amused, and now I'm back to ignoring it all, trying to survive school with marks that'll get me into Waterloo.

I finished that sudoku. (It took me three naked pairs, a naked triplet, and two hidden triplets to solve (insane expert techniques which I had to learn).)

Is there anybody reading this with advice on how to get out of a long-term writer's block, quickly? I spent three hours calculating the exact current perfect method of producing wealth in a game, without just playing the market. I make 83.5c per day playing KoL. Oh, and I've had a weird dream each and every sleep session for a week. ("night" just doesn't apply when you wake at 6pm) Oh, and turns out Blind Guardian isn't emo music as the name would imply, and is sorta nerdy metal. Neat. Lucy in the sky with diamonds has an easy to play intro.